Family Photography and Struggling with Negative Self-Esteem
As some of you may well know, Esmeralda and I both have full time jobs aside from running Pike and Pine Photography. Esmeralda runs a medical facility north of Seattle and I work as a manager for a soda bottling company. Naturally, we end up talking to our respective co-workers about having their family portraits done. One of the common responses we get is “Oh ya, we want to book but I just need to lose a few pounds” or “I want to just get pictures of the kids done because I don’t like getting pictures done”. Both of these responses come from a deep seed of self-consciousness that I wanted to (probably not briefly) talk about. Just a heads up, Im going to get overly personal and I am card carrying member of over-sharers anonymous, so either bail now or hold on tight because even I don’t know where I’m going with this! LMAO
I have always been the “fat guy”. My whole life. It was something that was quite often thrown in my face, frequently by my own mother, on a routine basis. When I tried to joined the Army initially I was told that I was too fat to join and I needed to lose 30lbs before I could even be considered. This of course seemed to be par for the course of my life, so I worked really hard and got in the best shape of my life to join the Army. When I shipped out for basic it became blatantly obvious to me that I was still, in fact, the “fat guy”. Despite all of the work I had put in and the confidence that I had built up in that half year journey to join the Army, I was now in a place that was MADE for the fit. During training, it was a fairly regular occurrence for my Drill Instructors to not allow me to eat, sometimes for a day or two at a time. They would have me hold the door for the entire Battery (I was Field Artillery so we have Batteries instead of Companies) and I would be the last person in the chow line. Once I got my food to my seat at the table, the Drill Instructor would wait for me to put my rifle down and just as I would begin to sit they would walk up to the table and say “This table is done, go clean up your plates and form up outside.” On multiple occasions they would joke about it with me a few feet away, just so I didn’t have any misconceptions about it being an accident. When it was all done and said, I graduated from Basic Training a few months later at 187 pounds, the leanest I had ever been in my adult life and a continued belief that I was “fat”. After training, despite consistent working out I was never really able to maintain a low body fat percentage, nor was I ever able to be free of the title of resident “fat guy”. In fact, the only cadence I was ever taught were songs about being fat. To say that that did not have a horribly negative impact on my self-image would be and outright lie. Truthfully, it is something that I still find myself fighting with on a fairly routine basis.
The whole point of that extremely long story was to build up my credibility as a not fit person and as a person who has struggled, and continues to struggle, with poor body image. For years I was stuck in this spiral of not feeling good enough or worth enough to invest in myself, leading to more poor diet choices. I used food as a comfort rather than as nutrition, and the scale reflected it. However, I finally realized that while my poor self-esteem was effecting me in a negative way, it was outright hurting my wife and children. They couldn’t get me to go swimming or go play in the park. They couldn’t get me to join in on the family photos or take silly selfies showing off our silly personalities. I was actively denying them the opportunities to build memories with me. Me, I did that. I racked up a large debt of memories lost and fleeting moments wasted and they had to pick up the tab. When I came to that realization I knew I had to make a change. The very first thing I changed was not punishing my family for how I viewed myself. I started to take those pictures and go to the park and do all of those activities that will build precious memories that my children can look back on throughout their lives. I did that for them, despite it being extremely difficult for me to do. The second thing I did was for me. I changed my relationship with food. I started on a carnivorous diet, meaning I exclusively eat meat and animal products. You are very likely thinking the question that every one always asks me “But you still eat vegetables though right?”. (LOL exclusively must be a confusing term to use) No. Not really. I don’t go out of my way to avoid a bit of lettuce on a burger patty or some sauce on a steak, but when given an option I only eat meat, eggs and cheese. So, once I switched to this diet I began to feel better. A lot of the harmful thoughts and views of myself began to fade and loose their grip on my life. I began to lose weight and the injuries from the Army began to be less limiting. I began to feel better and do more with my family. My mood improved because I wasn’t in constant pain any longer so I spent more time laughing with my family instead of being grumpy and hiding away from them. Within 5 months I had lost 61 lbs with zero exercise. I went from my all time highest weight of 242lbs down to my all time lowest of 181lbs. After sitting there for a bit I decided that I should start working out. Over the next 4 month window I went from 181lbs to 208lbs while lifting 5 days a week. Currently I am back down to 191lbs and the leanest, and most fit, I have been in my entire adult life. And all because I decided that my children shouldn’t be responsible for paying for the decisions that I made.
Ultimately you can take my story however you want. All I really want you to take away is that while we torture ourselves with poor self image, our loved ones are who actually pay the price for that. They miss out on spending time with us because “we don’t do that”. We make little harmless excuses or tell the kids “oh honey, not today” knowing full well we have no intention of EVER doing it because we aren’t comfortable enough with ourselves to do it. Those moments matter. They may seem insignificant, but those are the fleeting moments that are the basis for the love we have for our families. Those outings allow us to build memories and capture moments that would otherwise not had an occasion to exist. You must stop letting those moments slip through your fingers. By avoiding a family photo session you are also missing the opportunity to document the beautiful life you have created for you and your family. Even if you aren’t the most comfortable with yourself right now, you will likely regret not having images of and with your family, especially as the little ones grow older. So do yourself a favor and just take the leap. Try it out and see how it plays out. At the worst, you won’t be comfortable with the images you are in but will be extremely happy about having pictures of your family to harass everyone at work with (no? Is that just a me thing? IDC my kids are cute and everyone should love them too hahaha). Best case scenario you capture amazing moments with your family that immortalize those fleeting moments that define the love you share with your family. Either way, it seems to be a win-win scenario.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you have some self image struggles that you have overcome or are in the process of overcoming? I would love to hear about it, if you’re willing to share that is. If you are, leave a comment below! Looking forward to hearing from you all!
-Dan
